I went to the mikvah the other night. (For those of you that don't know what a mikvah is, it is the ritual bath that a jewish woman is supposed to dip in a week after she is certain her period had ended. She must do this before she can have sex again because her period makes her unclean.) Now I hadn't been there for a while because like most women, I never like to have my period and would like to always keep my options open (if you now what I mean). I just keep doing birth control after birth control not letting myself have that break in between rounds, because who really wants their monthly gift anyway?
So I did the ritual cleansing.... took off my nail polish, jewelry, brushed and flossed my teeth, washed off my makeup, took a long shower, washed myself from head to toe.... and I did feel super clean.
But then you have to go to the mikvah and dip into this water and all I think about is, "Ew. I wonder who's naked body was in here before me? I wonder what day they clean the water? Everyday? Every other? Maybe they should have a sign up for people who would like to pay a little extra to be the first one in?" I walk down the steps pushing the water away from me. I dip, hear the woman say "kosher" and know that every single hair on my head made it under the water when I dunked. I mean, come on. If one hair on my head doesn't go under is it gonna make a difference? I hope I am not offending anyone, but it is slightly ridiculous. I say the blessing, dunk again, hear the word "kosher" and then I tell the woman I am done. I walk out of the mikvah feeling a little gross and await the towel the woman is holding up for me so I can get this germy water off of me.
I know that right now Shosh is thinking that I am totally crazy, but come on... there have to be more women out there like me. I don't mind the whole getting ready part, I actually like that, but I would like it if I could just skip the skinny dipping in the mikvah part. Wouldn't it be nice to not have to go outside in the freezing cold, drive to the mikvah and dip in rain water used by who knows how many women? I'm not saying we should stop doing this mitzvah (commandment), but can't we adjust it?? A little???
I better stop now before I get struck by lightning while I go to CVS and pick up the next 3 months worth of Nuvaring.
P.S. I left out the part where they ask if I want them to check anything on me.... Um, are you kidding?