My Week Of Torture

My week of torture began with a squirt.

It sounded like someone had reached the bottom of the ketchup bottle.

Except I was in my car driving and Alyssa was in her carseat behind me.

My week of torture started when Alyssa unbuckled her carseat buckle and took the bottle of sunscreen in the seat pocket in front of her and poured it all over herself and her carseat till it went "squirt." That's when I stopped my car at a red light and turned around to see a white greasy mess sitting half buckled in her car seat.

"OHMYGOD!" was all I said over and over as I drove the last 2 blocks to my brother's house to pick up Jessica and Emily.

My week of torture continued the next day when Alyssa said, "Mommy I pooed." I responded, "OK Alyssa, I will be there in one minute."

One minute later, when I walked into my family room, I almost had a heart attack when I saw poop in my daughter's hand and all around her.

Of course I screamed on top of my lungs. And then yelled at her. And then explained the one thing you think you would never have to explain to someone.... "Poop is yucky and gross. And we don't touch it. It goes in your diaper and in the toilet and never ever on your toys and floor!"

OHMYGOD!

That night my friend took me to the Rihana concert... which was amazing!!!! I had a great time... maybe too good of a time because the worst torture was still in store for me... no pun intended. Well, maybe slightly intended.

It was the week before school, and Will needed gym shoes. So the very next day we went to Nordstrom. I had my 10 year old nephew along with Jessica, Will and Alyssa. They all looked at the shoes while Will picked out a couple pairs that he wanted to try on. It was taking a long time to get someone to help us, so Jessica and my nephew went to look at clothes. Will sat down to wait, and I walked a few feet away to try a dress on Alyssa.

The dress looked great on her, and I reached over to grab a pair of leggings for her. Suddenly she ran off, so I put the leggings down and went after her. She had turned the corner a couple racks away but when I got there 5 seconds later, she was gone. It was like she disappeared into thin air! I looked into the purse section, but didn't see her. Walked around the kid's clothing racks, and didn't see her. I got nervous and grabbed Will. I told him to drop the shoes and come with me to find Alyssa. I ran into Jessica and Avi, my nephew. They hadn't seen her either. I got nervous and started to cry. Where could she have disappeared to, and why wasn't she answering when we called her?

I went to the manager of the kids department and through tears, described what she looked like and the dress that she was wearing. Then I started looking for her and calling her name again. She loves the escalator so I sent Jessica and Avi upstairs to look for her. It didn't make any sense. How could she disappear so quickly? After about 10-15 minutes I thought, "This is it. She's gone. Someone took my adorable, amazing, crazy daughter and I'll never see her again..." I was frantic.

Suddenly I hear a voice say, "Is this your daughter?" I ran towards the manager with tears streaming down my face. And there was Alyssa. She was hiding in one of those white cubbies that hold the long dresses. She had jumped in there.. only a few feet from where we were standing trying on dresses. She was sweating. I gave her a hug and through my tears asked her, "Didn't you hear me calling you? I was so worried about you." And she looked at me with a big smile on her face, giggled, and said, "Mommy no see me" in her most proud "I had the best hiding spot ever" tone of voice.

I did not feel well. I wanted to hug her as tight as I possibly could. I am NOT a mother who loses her kid. I could never be that mother. I put her in her stroller and told Avi and Jessica t0 guard her with their lives. We came to get Will his shoes for school, and that's what we were going to do.

Of course when it came time to pay, and I opened my wallet, I realized that I had left all my money, my ID, and my credit card in the little purse I took to the concert.

OHMYGOD!!!

I wanted to just die right then and there. Because not only was I the mother who lost her kid, but I was also the mother who drove to the mall, with four kids, without her credit card, license, or ID.

So we put the shoes on hold, left the store, and went to get Emily from my brother's house (Avi's house). All I wanted to do was go home and forget about everything that had happened so far this week, but when we got there I somehow decided to feel bad for my nieces and nephew on this hot day, stuck at home with a babysitter.... And decided to take them all out for ice cream. That is, after I stopped off at home to get my money, ID, and credit card.

So there I was with 7 kids... 3 of my own (jessica stayed at the mall with her friend) and 4 of their cousins. I got everyone what they wanted and sat down at the table with them. For about 2 minutes. Because suddenly a teeny tiny bee came along and caused 7 children under the age of 10 to run around like maniacs. "Aaaaahhhhh.. a bee! Get it away from me..."

Really? I mean, wasn't today, and yesterday, and the day before hard enough????

I told them to either finish their ice cream and deal with the bee or just throw it out and be done. A couple of them threw their ice cream out. The rest moved to a bench a few feet away.

Now it was time to go. I had had enough. I wanted the day to end. I wanted to take everyone home to their own houses. I wanted to plop my kids on the couch and put on a movie. I wanted Alyssa to be at home, where I knew where she was and what she was doing....

But Will had to go to a birthday party. So I took them all to the birthday party place, dropped off Will and went back out to my car which actually looked more like a trampoline because there were 6 kids inside it, jumping up and down.

The day was very stressful, I was a few minutes late to pick up Will, and he told me "I have a lot to learn about being a mom..."

He didn't mean to be hurtful. He actually said it kind of jokingly, but after losing Alyssa in the morning, and the ice cream situation, and the crazy drive home from the birthday party place (the kids were chanting "Wipeout!" the whole way home cuz they wanted to go to my house to watch it.... I said no, obviously, cuz there is only so much torture I can take.) I took it very personally.

I ended the day in tears (again). But at least knowing that there was no way the next day could be any worse.

OHMYGOD!!!

I am getting all tense just thinking about this.

I need a massage.

And a pedicure.